"Opened Dawes" Podcast Ep 14: It's Not About You!

This is the podcast of  “Opened Dawes” Live, which runs every 1-2 weeks as a live video show on YouTube, Facebook, and LinkedIn so that we can throw open the doors and welcome you in for a relaxed sharing of information, tips, thoughts, and answering any questions about public speaking and presentation/communication skills you may have.

So, make sure you set the reminders for the shows on Facebook, LinkedIn or YouTube (links below) as they are scheduled online and get involved.  The stream is designed to be interactive, with comments/questions able to be shown and attributed on screen.

This week’s show looks at the benefits of making sure that we think about our audience rather than ourselves when presenting or speaking in public, which impacts elements such as your nerves, content, delivery, interaction, and more.

This show can be watched live (and previous shows recorded) from the following locations:
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/OpenDawesTraining/live

YouTube:
www.youtube.com/channel/UCnwlPiWylgEDLrwemI8ZZjw (or search YouTube for Open Dawes Training and click subscribe to be notified)

LinkedIn:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/chris-dawes-9030b724/

Thanks to:
www.opendawestraining.co.uk
www.chrisdawescomms.co.uk
www.opendawestraining.co.uk/connect

Transcript

1:16

Greetings Welcome to Opened Dawes Live. It's Episode 14, there was a delay a gap last week, I've just been crazy, crazy busy, so apologies about that. But Episode 14, is, it's not about you. My name is Chris Dawes, the founder of Open Dawes Training. And obviously, this is based on public speaking presentation skills, providing training, being interviewed, having those difficult conversations, being involved in meetings, whatever it might be. And it is about making sure that we keep it the right way around, it's very easy to get caught up about, oh my gosh, I'm nervous, I'm worried about this, I'm hoping that they like me, I'm hoping that they understand what I'm going to say I hope that it goes well, for me, there's nothing wrong with it, it's completely understandable. It's an immediate natural reaction. The problem is, is that we will impact our content, what we share how we share it, which means therefore, how it's going to be received. And even ironically, how we feel about it, we will get more nervous, if we're thinking about ourselves, we will allow ourselves to become more nervous, if we switch it around, and we're thinking about those that are hearing us, those that are receiving our information, we end up so preoccupied by them. That we think a lot less about ourselves, and our nerves and our concerns, our insecurities, and all of those kinds of things. And also, we won't have as much time to get worried, we literally would get to the end of it and go, I forgot to be nervous. What happened I run out of time. We really flip it around. Now there's a wonderful phrase that I believe in very, very passionate, and it applies to all of the things I try to do even conversations that I have with people. And this phrases. Most people won't remember everything that you say. But everyone remembers how you made them feel. Just think about that for a minute. Not everybody remembers everything that you will say the words you use the information itself, but they will take away and retain and regurgitate to others how you made them feel? Did you make them feel motivated? Did you make them feel quite emotional? Did you make them feel enlightened, empowered, supported part of the team, you know, any host of things. And if you think about it, that sentence, that phrase rings true for all of the different areas that we work with people on a presentation. If I am thinking, right, okay, I've now got to write my content. I've got information I need to share with people, I'm not just going to go dump information and regurgitate that information, I'm actually going to make sure that my content takes the people that are listening to me on a journey. I want them to feel things as a result of what I'm sharing with them. So it will impact the content itself. It will content impact sorry that the inflections of that content, the delivery of that content, it will affect how engaged I tried to make her engaging, sorry, I tried to make that content with people. So instead of just going blurb is all about me blowing up, there's the information. If I even, you know, put it in context with them, you know, if you take if I was given a presentation about a product or service, and I literally went my product does this my product does that my service enables this. They're they're going well done. But if I switch it around and make it all about the people that are there listening, thinking, right, what what is their business, their organization, their problems, their objectives, which is why invariably, wherever possible, if if it's if it's a one to one, and I'm then going to present a product or service. The opening period is all about them all about their business all about their issues, their objectives, that their requirements, because that is then how I'm going to enable when I'm then delivering it. I will also be watching, listening, taking on board as much as I possibly can, that I can suddenly see someone nod smile, nudge their colleague, clearly, that's important for that. I'm not interested in just rushing through my content and just blurbing it out there. I'm trying to see I'm trying to acknowledge how is this impacting my audience? What reactions Am I getting from them? Do I then suddenly engage? I can, I can see that that struck a nerve with yourself. Where is that? How does that resonate with you? Where have you felt that and that they can then bring it forward, and I can then make it relevant, that hopefully will get others engaged. And so I'm able to make that content, the core is there. But you then go backwards or forwards, remember, I always say in terms of the delivery of a presentation is you try to make it feel like a conversation, you know, even now, I'm not stood here going, right, and this is what you need to be the case. And if you do know, I'm hoping that you can feel it is that I'm having a conversation with you. And that will be determined in the way that I'm delivering my content, it will then the fact that I'm looking and listening at my audience, it's not about me, it's about them, right, I can now see that they're having an effect, they haven't quite understood it. And so it will impact the content, the structure, the inflections, the interaction. And that then suddenly sits not just for a presentation, but if I'm providing training, you know, you're always analyzing Who am I providing the training for? Is there information I can get beforehand, am I needing to be a bit more sort of acknowledging what you know, what is happening, you know, taking on their comments, their feedback, and, and allowing it to impact on my content, and my interactions and the like, because I want to make sure that this audience, it could be different levels of knowledge of experience, or experiences. It could be, you know, the way that they are, are, you know, soaking in the information I'm sharing is something that they haven't quite got, okay, I'm not going to suddenly make them feel awkward, but we're going to make it so that we're all coming together, you know, it, the minute you're flipping around, it's all about them. 100% It's not about me desperately trying to get this information out there, get to the end of this presentation and, and go and have a coffee and let my heart rate slow. No, it's about them. It's not about my product, how brilliant my product is, it's about what it can do for them. That phrase I said at the beginning, most people won't remember everything that you say. But everyone remembers how you made them feel. That can be very, you know, you might go well, that's great. If I've got a very emotional message that I'm about to share. Now, it applies across the board, your product, your service, your training material, your information you're about to share in that meeting, if you can make them suddenly go, Wow, okay, that makes sense, that actually makes sense of those other bits. And if I can take that and put, we've got the answers all of a sudden, and you've just suddenly made them feel you recur. Happy, satisfied, whatever, you know, you are making them feel certain things and that's what they're going to take away. You know, I've always said never lose to an if you lose a competitive situation to an inferior product or service, because their message was better. And yet it happens so so often. Because in that inferior product or service, they've gone and made the audience feel. I get it, you get us that answers that problem that enables us to achieve this in the future. It's not difficult. I get it. And they get the person that's delivering it. And suddenly that's the route they go, you have just gone bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk brilliant product brilliant product. So does everything does this does the other well done. It doesn't necessarily give them everything and it's not something they go into take away. Hello Nigel. Good to see you make it you just always think about how they're going to receive it. I do exactly the same when I'm when I'm Motorsports commentating. I'm always trying to think right, okay, round the circuit, on the TV, wherever it might be. I've got youngsters that don't fully get it and maybe have The attention span of a goldfish. I've got youngsters that are now sort of becoming anoraks and knowing all about it, and they will be glued to it all day. I've then got teens, I've got adults, I've got those that know everything. I've got those mechanically minded, I've got those history buffs of it boffins. I've got those that are just enjoying themselves a day with their friends and family and, you know, loving the site. You need to sort of be able to engage with those people. And it's all about going right. How do they feel? Do they feel part of this day? Do they feel suitably informed, but when I'm informing I try to make sure I'm not patronizing anybody. I said, Tell you what, it's a real tight rope that you're trying to sort of make out that, okay. Look, I know, you know, the inside out of that car. But there are other people here that don't, but I'm not going to slam in your face, I'm just going to say delivery in a way that encompasses those but acknowledges those that No, it's just the for instance, that I always tried to do even with Motorsports compensated with my training delivery with my presentations, I contract to other organizations as their, that their sales team about to start a new contract next week, actually, for a company I'm very excited to be working with. And it is that I will be able to do their sales presentations for them. And I absolutely adore it. But it will not be that of course, I've got to know all about the products and the services. But the presentation isn't all about the product. Frankly, that product or that service could be called something completely different. It might not even have a name, I don't care. Because all I'm interested in is my audience, right? What do they do? How do they do it? Why do they do it that way? What problems are they encountering? What objectives are they trying to achieve? stepping forward? Okay, let me step back. Let me think about this, right? I have understood that this is the situation, this is what you do, etc, etc. point one, they've gone. He's listened. He's understood, he's shown interest in our organization. I like it, we're off to a good start. Okay, so you need to overcome this problem. Now, if we can put something in that does x, y, and Zed that will enable to make sure that doesn't happen anymore? We agreed on that. Absolutely. Right. So I've even they're gone. Not interested about just regurgitating an answer. I want them to understand and to accept. And they've gone. Yep, got it. That would be utopia, surely. And when is that even possible? Yes, it is. Let's have a look at this. If I then suddenly show them whatever it is, I have again, I don't even need to give it a name because it could be called Chris Dawes for like air, it could be called pimple. Viola care. It's not important. It is showing them right, here you go, look. So the moment this is what happens. And we suddenly do this, provide this, put that in this in place. And you will see that the outcome is why not x. And so you are going to get rid of this problem. Also, by the way, it's going to enable you to do that. Wow. Hang on a minute. This is it. This is utopia. utopia exists. they've listened. They've got it, do it. That Tell me tell me what it is? How am I going to get this done? And that is thinking about the audience. Okay, so I'm on this training course, because I've been told to come on this training course. Yeah, sure, I get what is going to be beneficial. But you know, let's go. Now, how many of you been on training courses because you've been put on it. You know, your, your employers have put you on it or whatever. And you get in and all the trainer does is just goes right? Ready. blurb, take notes, take notes, look at my slides, listen to what I'm saying, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. That's not them being bad. They're just forgetting that. They're nervous. They've got information they need to share. But they've forgotten that it's about my audience, right? First things first, right? Look, this is why we're here. This is what this training is about. This is how it's going to help you this is what it's going to do in the future. This is the possibilities. And this is how I'm going to work with you during the course of today to help empower you with this information with these skills. And it is going to enable you to have this, this and this, whether it's this employer, or whether it's in your personal life or in the future, all of it is going to empower you. Okay, which is more interesting and useful than I realized. And they're now paying attention. They're ready to listen. And then everything thereafter for the day is about empowering, Enriching and enlarging their knowledge, all of those things. If I'm in a meeting, and I've got information that now needs to be shared in that meeting, that's going to have an impact. On the direction on, on decisions on what has already happened, whatever it might be. I don't just suddenly trying to go well, here you go. blurb, there's the information. Okay, well done. But determining go. You mentioned that, in terms of the accounts, the work that we've done so far, it has cost that, but it's not yet returned. It's not returned that as was intended, is that correct? Yes, it is. What What I would like to share is that where I've been looking at everything is that if you consider x, y, and Zed is what we've done so far, and you're absolutely right, it has cost us this, we forecast it's going to return that at the moment, as I say, absolutely right. It has not done that. But what I would like to point out is that if you look at these inquiries, that these feedback forms that these, whatever it might be, what we're now seeing is that we are now taking them on that upward slant of the graph. And by my reckoning, if you look at how long it's taken to get from there to there, I believe that given this period of time, we're going to have them up here. And the the figures that were forecast, it's going to be later, but they're going to be there. And if we look at this, I genuinely feel that he's actually gonna exceed the figures that we've got there. We just need that little bit of patience. But hopefully this paints the picture. I'm making this up as I go. But you compare that where I've acknowledged the work they've done, I've not challenged them. I've acknowledged their right. I've not got defensive because right, so I haven't delivered those figures yet. bababa. No. Acknowledged you're absolutely right. Let me take you and this remembering that this is information that they don't see, they don't necessarily know how to interpret. I've still not condescended them, I've shown them I've interpreted, I've taken them on a journey. I've made them feel positive about it. I've enlightened them. We work in as a team, we're going to take it not just to where you thought it would be now, but even further, but just with that degree of patience. Okay, I get it. I completely get it. I could have just gone. Well, I know we haven't sat in reached those figures yet. But look, we've got the inquiries here. You need to give us the time. It's not going to have the same effect, is it? I'm thinking of me, I'm thinking that I'm feeling challenged. I'm feeling under pressure, I feel disappointed with the way that they've said it. No, turn it around. It's about whoever it is. That is listening to the information I'm sharing. What do you want them to learn? What do you want them to hear? What do you want them to feel to say to do next? You know, they are the things when you are creating whatever content you're going to share? What do I want them to feel? What do I want them to say next? What do I want them to go and do after I finished speaking with them? What do I want them to learn? What do I want them to actually hear from me, not just boom, that's why we work a lot even on the start. And the end of of a presentation, for example, is that you open it you get the context, right? You get them on the page with you, then you give them the information. And then you give a big close to enable them to go and say to do to feel certain things at the end of it. It's all absolutely important. It's not about I want them to like me, I want it to go well look, with all due respect. It's not important. As I said, the key phrase, most people won't remember everything that you say. But everyone remembers how you made them feel. Take that phrase and use it in everything you do. And I would encourage you wherever possible, try to do that. Even in conversations. You know, I work with people where it's not about presenting or anything like that. It's that they are in, say management roles or something and they've got to have difficult conversations. And I get it, they're horrible. They're not as up inside. But how do I get control of that emotion? How do I have those conversations? Well, point one I would always say is don't make it about you. Even if they're the ones that are in trouble. Make it about them. What have they done? What have they done wrong? What can they do about it? Why should they all of that rather than me feeling I feel let down? I've been abused? I've been this? I've been that is that? No, no. Think about your audience at all times. So how can you make them feel? Think about it when you're writing it when you are structuring it when you're delivering it when you are having that interaction. It's the same as there's times by the way, we Talk about interaction but there can be times I've had certain environments where you just know if I allow and I say allow as in allow it to flow and brief interaction with certain audiences, there are key characters here that are going to make this go in a bad direction that are going to make the rest of the audience feel uncomfortable. And now think about that. I might frustrate one person but I'm leaving the other 100 or the other 99 or whatever, enjoying it, have you ever been in a presentation where someone's just their interactions really quite awkward. And the phrase I use is I want to turn inside out well as the presenter, we need to make sure we're in control of that just sort of like you know, stop that because it could be all too easy to go great. I've got someone that I can bounce off of I can interact with, are you sure that that is is really beneficial to the rest of your audience? So as the phrase goes, it's not about you. In my training I use a phrase just because it makes me chuckle simple, easy to easy to laugh is stop being narcissistic and I say that because it sounds like such a blunt horrible thing to say and sure you know it's it is but it's even like it's not about you as the title for this one was about grabbing your attention it's not as brutal as it sounds and in actual fact it's to your is to our advantage to just flip it around. Don't get nervous by thinking about I'm worried about this. I want this I want that it's like no no flip it around, allow it to be about them. And you won't even have time to be nervous about your presentation. I think that's all I've really got to say on this one. I hope that was useful whether you watch live whether you are watching the TV version of this back, whether you're listening to the podcast Don't forget you can go on all of the podcast outlets and and search for Opened Dawes Live or open doors podcast sorry, or just search for Open Dawes Training, and you should find it and all of the episodes this will be up. If not today, then probably tomorrow, and you'll be able to listen to it throw your headphones in and go off wandering. The 14th episode will be up there imminently, and so therefore plenty to listen back to. But if you have any questions, comments, thoughts, anything like that, to do with any of the episodes that you listen to or watch, please don't hesitate drop us a line either as messages on social media, or drop me a line to Chris at open doors, that's da w e s training Chris at Open Dawes training.co.uk drop me an email anytime. If there's any subject areas that you think would be really useful for yourself or for your organization, for me to just go into a little bit of detail. This isn't designed to be the detailed training of course, but it is where we can just delve into certain subjects a little bit more and, and hopefully it's very beneficial to you all sorts of other things available on our website, various downloads that are there designed to help blog posts, and tip posts, all those kinds of things. Open Dawes training.co.uk and if you actually put forward slash Connect, it will then also show you all sorts of ways that you can get in touch. If you wanted a 30 day free 30 minute consultation via video conference to have a chat about your your current situation, your requirements, anything like that at all, even if there's just like one little thing you feel we may be able to help you with drop me a line, we can set it up, it's not a problem. If you go to the contact page. On our website, you'll actually have the ability to schedule in a day and time to have that conversation with myself. And of course it goes without saying if you want training for yourself or for your organization, you know, we limit our groups to a maximum of 10 people at any one time so that it's interactive for a day day and a half whatever it might be, or one to one sessions and we've got our online training available as well well it's more a hybrid training really where we've got over six hours worth of videos and audio training in 10 modules all split out. We've got downloads we've got practical exercises as part of it we get interaction we've got a Facebook group where we you're able to ask questions, you're able to get involved, we're able to have monthly video calls as well where we can go into detail in actually part just of the membership group. All of that is available jump on the website. But for now it's not about you. I hope that's been helpful. I hope it made sense. Think about how you want them to feel most people won't remember everything you say, but everyone remembers how you made them feel. For myself crystals have a very good rest of the weekend into the weekend as well. But for now from Opened Dawes Live G's for now.