"Opened Dawes" Podcast

"Opened Dawes" Podcast Ep 8: Watch Your Tone!

July 28, 2021 Chris Dawes Episode 8
"Opened Dawes" Podcast
"Opened Dawes" Podcast Ep 8: Watch Your Tone!
Show Notes Transcript

This is the podcast of  “Opened Dawes” Live, which runs weekly as a live video show on YouTube, Facebook, and LinkedIn at 11 am on Tuesday mornings so that we can throw open the doors and welcome you in for a relaxed sharing of information, tips, thoughts, and answering any questions about public speaking and presentation/communication skills you may have.

So, make sure you set the reminders for the shows on Facebook or YouTube (links below) as they are scheduled online and get involved.  The stream is designed to be interactive, with comments/questions able to be shown and attributed on screen.

This week’s show looks at the fact the HOW you say something is at least as important as what you say. The tone we use can determine the feelings and integrity of what we have to share in presentations, training or media delivery and meetings.
This show can be watched live (and previous shows recorded) from the following locations:

www.youtube.com/channel/UCnwlPiWylgEDLrwemI8ZZjw (or search YouTube for Open Dawes Training and click subscribe to be notified)

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Thank you for listening to the Opened Dawes Live podcast. This is actually the audio taken from our weekly live video show that you too can get involved in or watch past episodes back by going to Facebook, YouTube or LinkedIn and searching for Open Dawes Training. That's da w e S. For other ways to connect with us go to Open Dawes training.co.uk forward slash Connect. There you'll find ways to communicate with us free downloads and information about our training programs, whether that is face to face online, or a blend of the two, all designed to help people grow in confidence, willingness and skills to communicate in public. Whether that is giving presentations or speeches, providing training, having great presence or communication skills in meetings, or just having those difficult conversations effectively. public speaking is a soft skill that gives your core skills of voice and can open doors that you may not even know exist yet. But for now, let's dive into this episode of Opened Dawes Live. Good morning. Welcome to what we are episode eight of Opened Dawes Live. I know this is gonna suddenly sort of timestamp when we're doing this one. But I hope you're enjoying the lovely weather, which I believe is due to last the whole week, I've actually got sunburn back from all the different bits of work that I've been doing out outside, but I hope you're enjoying it. And okay, maybe some of you relieve that you're into an air conditioned business premise, maybe I don't know. But welcome anyway, today's episode is, what's your tone, and it sounds more dramatic than it is. But it is about how we need to be very mindful of the message that we are portraying. You know, it's not, it is what you say. But it's also how you say it. Equally, you can also have tone from your from your body language. I mean, one of the first things that I really want to pick up on is why I'm such an advocate and why Open Dawes Training exists, or one of the reasons Open Dawes Training exists, is that I myself even fall into this, we rely too much on emails, in particular to communicate. And I'm sure many of you will kind of go either you or people, you know, maybe do that. And the challenge we've got with that is that you're not in control of how your message is going to be received. Certainly we could there's lots of training that is done to make sure that the the tone of it is portrayed as close as possible as what we intend it to be. But you're really at the mercy of how somebody else reads it portrays it what opinion have they got a view, what motivates them in that day, what somebody else said to them in a negative way, and they suddenly read yours in the negative way as well when maybe that's not what you meant. Whereas when we are able to speak at the very least on the phone, pick up the phone and speak to someone but even better, if we're face to face, we are in control of the way that our message is going to be portrayed. Therefore, an awful lot closer to being received as we intended. But still people maybe overlook the tone element. When they're speaking as well. I say verbally, we're sorry, visually, we're able to add to it as well. And that's a key thing. But how you say I've got a phrase that I've always always used, and I'm sure I've used it in the shows already as well, is dead cow, or beef steak. Apologies for the vegetarians and vegans amongst us. But the point being is they're both exactly the same thing. But one sounds an awful lot nicer than the other. You know, so it is important about the wording you use and how you actually say it. And this applies. Whether you are presenting whether you are in meetings, you know, I do a lot of work with people where they want to make sure that in the meetings, they are actually having the right conversations and in the right way, because they need to manage how it's received and the outcome. So meetings, pitches, you know, whether that sales pitches, whether it's development pitches, are pitched to my wife, when the I'll maybe want to go and do something, whatever it is, you've got to be thinking of the tone, delivery of training, you know, in how you deliver your training, are you kind of dictating This is the fact you don't know this, and I'm now telling you and, and yada yada. Whereas if you actually are offering up information and for them to kind of go along with it, then you're more likely to get them to digest and accept an awful lot more than dictatorial Lee giving them the information. And the other one, of course, is his media, you know, where I do media training, not just with sporting people, but with, you know, professional, you know, business people because more and more and public sector in fact, actually but where more and more, either we are doing things with the media either just verbally or to camera. But also people doing, whether it's this live shows or recorded pieces to camera to use for marketing and training purposes. So there is a lot more on the media training side that we get involved in. It's about how you do it. Now, in terms of some basics, and this is something that I believe very passionately, is you need to be using the right tone on the right pitch. And you should always think of it right How would I want to hear this, you know, if I'm there sort of going, you know, I really believe in this. I need to make people to believe in it to then have that said in the way that you Want to hear it the way that you are feeling about it, because that's where you're going to get the best chance of someone going along with you in that same way. And think about the emotions that are actually contagious. conviction, enthusiasm, passion. You know, those kind of emotions are contagious if you deliver if you deliver what you have to say. And it's it doesn't matter whether it's a meeting, a pitch, or presentation, training, all of those things, deliver them with the conviction, the enthusiasm, the passion, that you would want to hear that you deep down really believe may be slightly exaggerated, because you need to make sure that it's going to come across, then that is a key thing, your pitch, your tone, all of that needs to carry that through, and then carry people along with you. I've quite often worked with people that are very concerned that either the information, the product or the service that they provide the message that they've got to give, they're worried that it's going to be it's boring, they're worried that it could be received negatively. Well, if you go in and you deliver it thinking it's boring thinking it's negative, thinking it's inflammatory, whatever it might be. That's exactly how it will come across. If you've got slight concerns that this could be taken the wrong way, then put a little bit more thought into right. Okay. I'm worried This is going to be boring, right? How can I flip this around? It isn't boring. You do it for a living? You know it? There are reasons for other people to know it. So go in with the belief that right, I'm going to I'm not going to believe this is boring. If somebody still sits there and feels that it's boring. At least you've done your bit. You've not gone and gone. Yeah, yeah, sorry. It's, it's just about widgets. And, you know, I know they're not very exciting, but I need to just quit. Well, guess what? You're hammering them down that your tone, your pitch is now taking them down, deliver it, we've got these brand new widgets, and it completely changes the way that we are able to to make things work. It absolutely revolutionizes the widget market. I have no idea what I'm talking about. But the point being is you deliver it with that conviction, enthusiasm and passion, drag people up with you. If you think this is politically sensitive, this is negative, people could see it the wrong way. Then think about not only making sure that you're going to say in as positive light as you possibly can. But are you about to say the right things. I've always had this example. A company has been struggling financially through I mean, it's probably more relevant to a lot now. But it was before the pandemic that I've always used this example. It could be a recession, it could be any number of things. That means that this particular business has been suffering, all of the staff know they're always looking over their shoulder, they're always really concerned that is the business gonna go pop? Well, all of a sudden, the owners are absolutely ecstatic because this Japanese company has come in and bought them out. This their future is secure, they're safe, they're not going to go pop and lose all the money and everything. Wow, what an absolute relief. But if they turn around and stand in front of the staff and go fantastic news, we're not going to lose out on all that money. We have been bought by this Japanese company. Absolutely wonderful news. All of the financial difficulties have gone. Think about the staff. They're going, Oh, well done your bank balance. Mr. And Mrs. Owner is absolutely fine. We're really pleased now. Is this Japanese company going to keep us open? Are they going to cannibalize us and just take the customer base or the intellectual property or whatever it might be? And may be close? Are they going to move more of the operations back to their home country over to Japan? The work ethic and management styles are very, very different in Japan, are we going to suddenly have that? So you've taken what use selflessly almost, I guess, think is a great positive a great relief, and you've just gone Yay, now. Great, you've done it in a very positive light. And we talked about, you know, it's usually awesome and positive. But you've not really thought about the content. What am I going to make them feel what could they think? And so you still do in a very positive tone, but you turn around and go, I know that a number of you will be concerned. Is this business going to be moved over to Europe? Absolutely not. They want your expertise, they want your skills, that was part and parcel of why they wanted to buy this organization is your skills, your dedication, your hard work, is going to still be us running it, we report to them, but they are investing in everything that has made us what we are today, you are absolutely vital to this journey. And the pressure is now off, we get to go forward without the dark cloud hanging over us together. Bang, the whole thing's just completely changed for those people still positive, but with the right message. In terms of tone, it's not just about suddenly being you know, are Yes, I'm going to be positive, I'm going to be infused and everything like that, because sometimes the message might need to be a bit more melancholy. haven't used that for word for for a while, I think I'll have a sip of coffee after that one. And that's completely right, that it may need to be a bit more more down done. But still, think about the tone of voice you are using using even things like inflections, you know, if you think about how much of an impact and inflection can have on what you're saying. People think you look silly. People think you look silly. Or suddenly I've gone from an accusation to supportive people think you look silly. No way. People think you look silly. You know, it's it hits the sat in the same sentence, but the inflection. And I know a lot of people will be there going well, yeah, that's obvious. When we get into the run of gun, I've got to remember what I'm going to say everything I'm going to share with people I've got a script maybe that i'm i've over memorized and currently forgetting, I'm, I'm really nervous in front of everybody, etc. We suddenly forget about how we are saying things. So make sure that you are thinking about the tone, you are using the emotions that you are portraying the inflections you're using the body language that can infect that effect that tone as well. You know, it can make a big difference. The smile, we talk about the motivation, you know, if I just looked like this, I can look angry, I'm not going to look at my paycheck because I know I look stupid, but I'm hoping I'm getting the message across. But if I'm going like this, I could be come on with our motivational as really daft example, but hopefully you get the idea on that one, in terms of how you're offering it as well, I think I've already touched on this is that there's a distinct difference between whether you're dictating, or whether you're advising or recommending, you know, giving that information out for them to take as much as they can, you're not doing the the the big I am, you are sort of almost going in, from my experience from what I have done what from our organization has been involved in, this is what we found, and we believe that this is the the best way to do things. I'm not saying that's all rubbish, we are brilliant. You know, even if you take it in terms of a sales pitch, you know, you can't just categorically say we are the best in the world. And all of our competition is absolutely rubbish. You'll come across as very unprofessional and there's every chance you're going to lose business because of that unprofessional perception. By the way, if anybody's watching, you know, please feel free to like and, and share but above all put comments or questions or, or experiences you've had a visit is great that I can put those up on screen and it's it becomes a very interactive show as well. But it is, you know, in terms of you know, we touch on unprofessional there is that there's a distinct difference of the way you can turn around and say, Oh no, our competition's product or service is absolutely rubbish. It's really dire. Well, you can't say that. But you can maybe lead them to a way to suddenly go, Whoa, hang on that other product doesn't have it by promoting what your product or service has. A bit more emphasized and exaggerated is showing it and giving it context. Explain why it's important where it's important. I've now not just gone feature done, I've changed the tone of feature dump, slide competition off to the here's the feature, but the benefits is this and and that you know, it does seem to be quite a unique thing that we've got in this product actually and and long may that continue that night enables you to achieve x, y and Zed and make sure that ABC never happens to you. So it's absolutely vital. You'll always need to make sure this is there. What you're doing is that you are letting them know this is important. This is why it's important and Hopefully you've been listening to things that they've told you about them and their business and their requirements and their problems and you're making it relevant. You're going, you know, you mentioned about this, look at this, this is what will help you achieve that. And you need to make sure that that is there. Wherever you and your they're going. I know that they haven't got it. You're not telling them. But you're hopefully making sure that they're going to go and ask the questions maybe and go, Oh, that doesn't have it at all. Terry Brown. Thanks, mate. It's good to see you. You're watching he says, celebrate your differences. Absolutely. It's a great way to put it, Terry, it's it really it's absolutely right, is that you are celebrating your differences. You're not slating their differences. And I think that's the key thing is it is and you notice that there's a tone difference here is we're celebrating rather than slated it you know, it does make a big difference to how you're going to be portrayed in it. And how it's going to be received from from the others. Try to abandon negative words in what you're saying abandon negative words, if worse, make it constructive criticism if there's kind of got to go that route tried to make it. And when I say constructive criticism, I think that's the official title given to what I mean is about presenting the alternatives. And you know, you know, maybe have a think about this almost sort of going from instead of saying it's not good enough to suggesting further ways to enhance now, I'm getting fairly specific here, which I was desperately going to try to avoid. But hopefully, it's, it's helping you think of your own examples that go on? Yeah, okay. So either I have, or, you I've what, listen, someone else do this, in meetings, in presentations in sales pitches, when you've received training from somebody is that to just feel the difference when someone's been positively suggesting alternatives. Rather than that's not good enough, it makes a big difference. Teachers these days seem to be wonderful. My, my nine year old daughter at school is listening to the way that the primary school teachers are able to present the alternatives in a very positive manner, to make the kids actually think about it more, not slamming them down and feeling deflated and beaten and giving up before it's too late. Well, I'm afraid as adults, we still need to do that. Always having to do that people aren't necessarily on completely the same wavelength as you at the point that you're speaking to them. So try to be in control of the emotions you want your message to portray, always think of the tone. You need to be not just kind of go right, that's great. I know, I'm always gonna do it this way, there's gonna be a trend on on what you're saying and how you're saying it that you're going to be able to maintain and it is important, you're always, always listening to yourself. Analyze, what am I saying? And how am I saying it because of those nerves, or the thought trying to remember everything, or it's blooming hot in here, or I'm having to speak louder, because they can't hear me at the back or whatever, that we suddenly can forget to smile, to be positive to be aware of the tone and the inflections and the content of what we're saying. So constantly check in with yourself, right? How am I sounded. Just listen, as you're speaking, be aware of how it's coming across as much as you possibly can. If we, you know, we talked about speed, you slow down what you're saying, My brain is further ahead of where I'm planning to go next. I'm listening to what I'm saying. I'm thinking about how I'm going to say it. The quicker you go, the less control you have over what comes out of your mouth. I've always said when I'm doing my Motorsports commentating I'm terrified that something bigs gonna happen, and I'm going to drop the F bomb or something, I'm going to swear during my commentary, and that's an absolute cannot do it because we've got, you know, very diverse audience and it's just not professional at the end of the day. But if I'm talking too quick, which by nature of commentating you very easily fall into that habit. That's when you run the risk that you're suddenly going to drop the wrong words or you get Tongue Tied and lose what you're going to say next. People do it a lot when they're presenting and that's another one by the way that I do constantly check Have I got too quick I'm starting to stumble Am I started to forget Am I have I stopped thinking about how I'm saying it. slow yourself down. Think about it and think about how you're saying but you also need to Read the room. What is this room? You know, we talked about making sure you you're putting the right message over and in the right way, not just what you think it should be. Who are the people in that room? Who are certain individuals in that room? How are they going to take this message? How do I need to say, to get it over in the right way? Thanks, Terry, what we got here, let's have a look at this. I've learned to offer solutions to the problems 100% make absolutely 100% not just highlight what's not right. Totally offering solutions, but keeping your mind open to adaptation. And ideas from peers will always keep us moving forward. Such a refreshing thing to hear Terry, you're 100%. Right. It is the case. It's always one of those really good things that you kind of go, right. So you have told me that this happens, this happens, this happens. You need this to happen. You need to stop that from happening, right? This is what I am recommending that we have a look at this is the product, the service, the procedures. And this is why I'm recommending it to you because of this, this isn't this and you will see we will be able to make sure that always happens to stop that from from inadvertently happening. That person is thinking of the blue sky at the end gun. Yes. I'm no longer going to have that problem. But if you turn around and one kind of almost two points there from Terry, is that. Yeah, if you just dump absolutely everything. It's not answering their problems. But if you just go Oh, Crikey, wow. So you've got this huge problem. Right? Okay, well, then we need to get that in. That's such a shame. You've got that problem. Well, this product will stop it. So you know, you can get sell positive, you know, positivity, the solution going forward. One of the things you I always it kind of scares people, but I find it quite invigorating. Is that I said at the beginning is that compared to the written word, whether it's emails or people still do letters anymore, I don't I'd have no idea I'd probably not so much. But certainly emails is that people fall back on that myself, I can be very guilty of that as well. I said that you're not in control of the emotions that you intend or the way that your message was meant. Whereas when it's spoken word, you're in control of it, you're able to let them see and hear and feel how you actually mean it to go. That said, the nerve, what makes people nervous, but I find it invigorating is that when it's the spoken word, you can't reread it before you send it. You don't get that option. Once it's gone, it's gone. So, yep, you type in it. I don't know if anybody else does this, or maybe if it's if it's a bit, you know, for me an issue is that I'll type it or reread it. I mean, every email I probably reread unless it's a very brief one, just reread it, I forgot this right? If I meant Yeah, this is the right way, if it's particularly thorny, I'll even leave it to the next day. And then come back to it afterwards. So we don't get that choice of spoken word. However, use just slow it down. Think about what you're saying don't just gobble the words out. Think about your tone as the title of this particular presentation was what's your tone is always think what am I saying? What words Am I using? And what emotions and feelings am I about to express? You know, does it should be any one or more of these cautious polite professional encouraging motivational? Said suggestive but that sounds really wrong but i think you know, I mean I'm kind of going you know, how about rather than anything dubious informative share rather than dictate you know, inclusive all of these things that will be better things but you think about it right? How am I doing? Am I just dumping this information out there? What am I getting the right tone the right word in the right inflections the right visual communication to make those people feel the way that it's meant. It could be that they're in trouble. But are you really you know, as by the time we get to that sort of age, is it just chastising them or is it going like this, this was really wrong. This is the reason why and it is really important that we have a look at it and and go this way instead but I want to help you and we're going to do this you know you you know Terry talks about the solutions to the problems, not just highlight what's not right you know, I was talking about it in a in a business. context, you know, a product or a service and how it's going to overcome their problems. But absolutely, if it's like, disciplinary or something to that effect, which is obviously going to be a prickly meeting, is think about, right. Okay, let's focus on the solutions. Let's explain why this can't happen. And this is how we're going to remedy it. And you're thinking of the solutions, the outcomes, and it's being done in the right tone. That could mean by the way, the right tone is making sure they know who's boss. But without being an ass. It's a fine line. I know it's a fine line. But it can be very, very important to do. So that really is the key elements is I thought this was going to be a very short one. And thank you, Terry, for getting involved. And Steve Lawrence. Hello, mate. Good to hear, see the light come up as well there. Thank you for watching. Obviously, you can watch these back as well, and get involved. They are weekly shows. But I'm not, there isn't going to be a show next week. And I'm not sure about the week after yet due to media commitments and family commitments that there may be a two week it might only be one week out, but it might be too. But keep your eyes abreast of the the Open Dawes Training Facebook page, the Open Dawes Training YouTube channel, and on LinkedIn as well. And keep abreast of that. And incidentally, by the way, these shows the audio of the shows are also going to be going out as podcasts as well. So once I've got that those ducks in the line so that you can have just the audio to hopefully listen back, if there are particular subject areas that you really would benefit from, from talking about, and maybe getting involved. You know, both in terms of putting the messages there getting people involved is a big one, but I'm probably going to be looking at least once a month to start getting some guests on the shows as well, I'm able to do it where we can have multiple cameras on the show as well. And it'd be great to get some people with their experiences, their thoughts, their particular roles and how this applies to them. And to also bring some experts in that can help give you even more, you know, advice and recommendations of specific areas. So watch this space, the plan is to have some some guests on as well, who knows could be you let me know if you feel that it's something that you can either from bringing some particular advice from, from your involvement, or to have as a conversation almost as a chat show where you're happy to sort of admit that it's something that you've been struggling with, or you've been through and learn yourself. And we can have a talk about particular areas, or at the very least drop us a message. If you go into our social feeds, you can just send us a message to Open Dawes Training Facebook page, or drop me an email Chris at Open Dawes Training co.uk. In fact, if I put that banner up there, if you go to Open, Dawes training.co.uk forward slash Connect, you'll be able to find all sorts of ways to connect with us. And that also includes some free resources that could be helpful, we've got the top five sources of nerves in a PDF document and how to manage them to change their perspective. If you wanted to, you could upgrade that to the all 15 sources of nerves that we work on as as a video training product. And as a as a video by the way, it's really good because you can download the kajabi app that I put everything on and, and you can sort of watch the videos at any point. But you can also then lock your screen headphones in go for a walk and just listen to the audio bit. It's a lot prettier when you're only listening I can tell you, but it means you can do all of that it's there to design to sort of help you there. You know, we've we've very much gone a direction at the moment of blended learning where we're still doing all the face to face work. But people are able to dip in dip out to the recorded stuff, the videos, the audio lessons, the practicals exercises, we're going to be for everybody, every member gets to join the Academy, which is a Facebook group. And there's peer feedback and learning as well with with regular calls and presentation opportunities to get peer feedback. All these kinds of things are now growing quite dramatically. And I'm going to be looking over the summer at maybe creating some kind of 30 Day Challenge something along those lines. There's all sorts of things because I desperately want to help people have the confidence the willingness and the skills to speak in front of other people whether that's meetings or presentations, speeches, sales pitches, in front of media in front of cameras, just their own stuff, whatever it is, because it will open doors You don't even know exist yet. That obviously is the whole reason for for Open Dawes Training. It's why I create it. So on that bombshell thank you so much for joining us it's been an absolute pleasure to have you along have a wonderful rest of the week and and weekend schools are out for some nearly out for others. So you know those that are going into school some holidays have a fantastic time for the parents, the gins in your cupboard. Don't forget it's there, right but have a wonderful time. I say sorry, there isn't one next week and watch this space as to whether there's one the week after, after that back to normal as far as I'm aware. There might be one other week during August where I'm at a motor racing circuit doing some media work that might make it a difficulty to do one but for myself, Chris Dawes Founder of Open Dawes Training, it's been a pleasure, all the very best Cheers for now. Thank you for listening to Opened Dawes Live. I hope you enjoyed it and it was useful. Remember, go to Open Dawes training.co.uk forward slash Connect, to find out more about how you can interact with us and how we can help you